My boss' voice literally gives me gas
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
