Im at strip club and am horny
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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