Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
