Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
