If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
