Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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