I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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