walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
