I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
