The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
