I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize