Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
