i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
