Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
