Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
