i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
