I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
