Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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