So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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