Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
