talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize