Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
