Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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