there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
