Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Boobs are out for the taking
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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