I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize