So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
