70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
