I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize