were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
