I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
