I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
