dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
its liver damage thursday
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
