All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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