We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
