I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize