Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
