it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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