i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
