I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
