I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
