Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
