Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
