The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
