so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
