I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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