you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
