take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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