my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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