how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
