He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
