I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
