I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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