I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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