I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
