Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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