your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
