You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
